Whether your triangle involves a married woman or a single woman it’s a difficult situation to get past. When you both are married your affair with any luck can be kept secret for a time. Obviously, you will have many of the same circumstances but certainly a different set of excitement and feelings than those you share with your spouse.
Each of you apparently has the same sexuality issues, which may or not be resolved for you and your partner. Both of you face the same risks and consequences inherent in any affair- your marriage, children, finances, possible friends, career and reputation. The lesbian nature of your affair puts you at greater risk in the event of exposure and/or divorce for each of you. If you have chosen a single lover or have been in a long term relationship with a lesbian lover and cheat your role can become more entangled.
When found out you have opened up a power struggle often between you and your lover. Emotion runs high and often your single lover expects you to leave your marriage. She may find it unacceptable when you decide to remain married. This is a difficult role and has a great deal of hurt and pain with many hurdles to cross.